Each Lent we focus on some way to renew our commitment and relationship to Jesus Christ. We resolve to spend more time in prayer, read scripture, reach out to those in need, give our time and treasure, and fast on certain days from meat or other foods.
If you’re looking to shake up your Lenten routine this year beginning with Ash Wednesday on Feb. 17, consider looking to your home life and living out the liturgy of Domestic Church Life.
In July 2019, Dr. Greg Popcak, Executive Director of the Peyton Institute for Domestic Church Life, and his organization CatholicCounselors.com hosted the Symposium on Catholic Family Life and Spirituality at the University of Notre Dame. Sponsored by the Our Sunday Visitor Institute, Holy Cross Family Ministries, and the McGrath Institute for Church Life, the Symposium brought together over 50 theologians, social scientists, and pastoral ministry professionals who have an international reputation for their writings on family and faith. The mission was to develop a vision for renewing Catholic family life.
From this discussion was born a vision: the liturgy of Domestic Church Life. Dr. Greg Popcak discussed this idea in detail during a Real Presence Radio interview on Dec. 9.
“Liturgy means a public act of worship,” he said. “When we try to do everything we do as a family and bring a little bit of God’s love to it—whether it’s paying bills, washing the dishes, changing diapers, all the things we need to do as families—that effort becomes a public act of worship. We’re honoring God’s intention for the way we treat each other in the home, we’re witnessing to the world what a difference our Catholic faith makes in our relationships, and we’re experiencing God and our faith in the home as the source of warmth in the home.”
The idea of family life as liturgy may sound strange and maybe even irrelevant to our day-to-day lives, but it has everything to do with how we live our lives as Catholics. Through Baptism, we are share in the priesthood of Christ as priest, prophet, and king. This means the laity are part of a common priesthood that is distinct from the ordained priesthood of bishops, priests, and deacons. Yet, it is a true priesthood. If that’s the case, is there a liturgy of the common priesthood lived in homes in the same way that there is Liturgy such as the Mass and the sacraments celebrated at churches?
"We learned this concept as something esoteric and intellectual in religion class or somewhere,” said Dr. Popcak. “Yes, we are priest, prophet, and king. And that’s as far as we get. Priesthood is intimately tied to liturgy. But what’s the liturgy attached to the common priesthood?
“Through the Liturgy of the Eucharist, Gods heals the damage sin does to our relationship with him, and it gives us the grace to make communion with others possible. The Liturgy of Domestic Church Life is a way that God uses family life to heal the damage done to human relationships at its very root. The family is the building block of society, and the church is a ‘family of families’ as Pope Francis says. So when we treat each other in selfish or sinful ways at home, we’re undermining society, the church, and the kingdom of God.”
It’s important here to draw a distinction between the Liturgy of the Church and the liturgy of Domestic Church Life. The liturgy of Domestic Church Life is an analogy, and it in no way replaces the public Liturgy with which we participate in Mass. We learn how to pray in the family by imitating the prayers the Church gives us in Mass. These prayers include attitudes of praise, thanksgiving, contrition, restitution, and petition through times of silence, reading, serving, and sacrificing. When the priest sends us forth from Mass declaring, “Go and announce the Gospel of the Lord,” following the direction of the liturgy of the Domestic Church Life is one way we can do just that, beginning with our families.
So what are we, the laity, called to do exactly?
The liturgy of Domestic Church Life includes three rites: the Rite of Christian Relationship, the Rite of Family Rituals, and the Rite of Reaching Out.
The rites of the Liturgy of Domestic Church Life
By Dr. Greg Popcak
The Rite of Christian Relationship challenges families to practice the Christian vision of love in our homes; working for each other’s ultimate good and creating the kind of intimate communion that flows from the heart of the Trinity. That’s a big job, but four simple practices can help every Christian household cooperate with God’s grace to achieve these lofty goals.
Prioritize family time. Families can’t create close, intimate relationships if they never see each other. Although there are lots of interesting activities for people to be involved in, Catholic families are called to prioritize family time over all those other activities. Work, school, sports, lessons, clubs, and even charitable works are all valuable, but if our involvement in those activities makes it hard for us to feel truly connected to each other, then our lives are out of order. An overscheduled life is the most common way we desecrate our domestic churches.
Practice extravagant affection. The Word became incarnate so that we could have a real, physical experience of God’s love for us. Even after Christ ascended into Heaven, he gave us the sacraments to communicate his love in an intimate, physical way. Christian love is incarnate, embodied and abundant. Christian families, in turn, are called to be appropriately, but extravagantly affectionate with one another. Brain researchers tell us that only about 7% of children receive the amount of affection they need to thrive. God made humans to crave affection even more than food. When familes practice appropriate, extravagant affection, we model Christ’s incarnate love and validate each other’s dignity as persons.
Practice prompt, generous, consistent, cheerful service at home. The Church teaches us that to serve with Christ is to reign with him (Lumen Gentium). The primary place the People of God learn Christian service is in the home. Christians aren’t meant to serve each other grudgingly. Parents and children are called to be a team that responds to each other’s needs promptly, generously, consistently, and cheerfully.
Practice discipleship discipline. St. John Bosco promoted a method of discipline he called the “Preventive Method.” He rejected the heavy-handed childrearing methods of the day in favor of an approach emphasizing “reason, religion, and lovingkindness.” Don Bosco also promoted his method as a spiritual exercise that encouraged caregivers to model the prayerful spirit and virtues we wished to inspire in our children. When we practice the gentleness, self-control, and charity required by loving guidance disipline, we model the compassion the Good Shepherd shows for his sheep when we stray.
The Rite of Family Rituals isn’t just for “nice things we do when we have the time.” Family rituals are regularly scheduled, expected times when your family meets to work, play, talk, and pray together—every day. When families create strong, daily rituals for working, playing, talking, and praying together, they model how to have a healthy, balanced, Christian life.
Work rituals include things such as cleaning the kitchen together after meals, picking up the family room together before bed, doing other household projects together, etc. The main point of family work rituals isn’t getting stuff done. It’s using the “stuff” of family life to become a team. Work rituals help families realize that chores aren’t just tasks you do as fast as possible so you can get to the more entertaining stuff. They’re the way families say, “You can count on me. Not just for the fun times. But all the other times, too.”
Play rituals include things like game nights, family days, walks, movie nights, baking together, shooting hoops, doing projects together, etc. In a world where “fun” is often synonymous with “sin,” play rituals show it’s possible to have a joy-filled life—without killing your soul in the process.
Talk rituals include meaningful family meals, one-on-one time with your kids, family meetings, and other times where you make a point of bringing up conversations besides who has what practice and what needs to be picked up at the store. When families regularly discuss the highs and lows of the day, how God has blessed them that day, and how they could do a better job taking care of each other, they show they care about each other’s hearts.
Prayer rituals include things like morning and bedtime family prayer, grace at meals, a family Rosary or chaplet, family blessings, family praise and worship time, reading/discussing Bible stories and, of course, participating as a family in the sacraments. Strong and abundant prayer rituals help you and your kids start to think about God as another part of your family—as the person who knows you best and loves you most.
The Rite of Reaching Out lets God use your family to bless others. This rite helps families practice the royal mission of baptism. Jesus, the King of Kings, humbled himself and served us. To reign with Christ is to serve with Christ (Lumen Gentium, No. 36). We share in Jesus’ royal dignity by using our gifts to make other’s lives easier and more pleasant.
Generously and cheerfully serve one another. Did you ever notice how much easier it can be to be kind to strangers than to the members of our own households? The Rite of Reaching Out helps families remember that authentic Christian service must begin with serving your closest neighbor—your family. Ask yourself:
Do you respond promptly, generously, and consistently to each other’s needs?
Do you serve each other cheerfully (instead of grudgingly)?
Do you see the chores and tasks you do around the house as ways to say, “I love you!” to your family, and “Thank you for this blessing!” to God? Or do you think of them as “just stuff that has to get done so you can get to the other more fun/more important stuff.”
The more we practice loving, generous, cheerful service at home, the more the service we give to people outside our homes will be genuine (instead of self-aggrandizing) and properly-ordered (instead of competing with our domestic-church life).
Think about others while being a family. This practice helps us remember that everything we’ve been given by God—food, clothing, furniture, toys—doesn’t belong to us. They belong to God. The Church teaches that Christians are stewards—not absolute owners—of the things God has given us. We are to care for the things we have so that when we are done using them, we can pass them along in good condition to others who may need them. Thinking about others while being a family at home means regularly asking if you can prepare a little extra food for a sick or disabled neighbor, or if—as a family—you can go through the gently used toys, clothes, and other things you no longer need and pass them along to your brothers and sisters in Christ.
Other practical ways your family can practice this rite include inviting people to your home for fun and godly fellowship, encouraging each other to be intentionally thoughtful and kind to the people you encounter throughout your day, and, of course, serving together as a family in your parish and community. All of these things are simple ways family life, itself, becomes a ministry.