As I finish my first year at St. Paul Seminary, I reflect upon my transition into a new seminary and a new stage of formation. I am now preparing more directly for ministry by conforming myself to Christ. One of the primary focuses of this year has been a conforming to Christ the Word. This Word is the Word we hear in the scriptures and is the wisdom of God.
Throughout my time in seminary, I have learned much and grown closer to the Lord. I have a love for learning, and this has made the necessary academics in my formation easier. Of the four dimensions of formation—spiritual, human, intellectual, and pastoral—I had always considered the intellectual dimension a strength. I, however, see the spiritual dimension as the most important area of my formation. Since the spiritual life was the one area most directly related to loving the Lord, which is the ultimate goal, it seems to me the most important. Understanding this began in my recent retreats and has been strengthened by what I have learned concerning the spiritual life.
The fruits of my new understanding took time to grow, and this process is ongoing. Growth began with my formation in college seminary. Its beginning was rooted in my realization that all the natural sciences (be it physics, math, philosophy, etc.) are all moving towards the same truth. For me, understanding that there is a whole, was an epiphany. After seeing the oneness of science, I saw that the different areas of formation are also imbued with a similar oneness. Growth in one area of formation can strengthen and aid growth in other areas, even seemingly unrelated ones. This understanding enriched my spiritual life as well. In addition, I also noticed how the spiritual seemed to encompass all the other dimensions of formation. It seemed that growth in other areas truly could cause growth in the spiritual dimension. Recently I have seen the beginnings of this mutual growth in regard to my intellectual formation.
This realization only became truer upon beginning my theological studies. In studying theology, my learning chiefly concerns God. This learning allows me to love him more. Though intellectual knowledge of God does not cause a spiritual life, I have found it a path to deeper relationship. The more I know of him, the more I can know him relationally. For example, in knowing about Jesus’s human nature, I can understand more of how Jesus actually relates to me.
I know that I have much growth still in this area, but I have seen the beginnings of the beautiful benefit that intellectual formation can have upon prayer. Inspiration in this area came both from professors who truly love the Lord and the now late Benedict XVI, who found the God whom he loved in his study. I see that this is the eventual goal of our theological studies. Yes, I can share my theological knowledge with future parishioners in catechism classes and homilies, but the goal of all my formation is to fall in love with the Lord. I pray this love overflows into teaching others the faith and walking with persons to Christ. That, however, is secondary. It is an overflow from the abundant gift of God. I have learned that I have only to seek first the kingdom of God and all those other things which the Lord desires to give me will be given to me besides.