Ask a priest

My parents don’t want me to hang out with some friends because they think they’re a bad influence on me. But aren’t we called to evangelize?

By the sound of your question, I assume that you’re writing as a teenager still living at home. If that’s the case, you’re probably feeling similar to 95% of other teenagers throughout history. Teens often struggle between their parents and their friends, and that’s part of growing up. Before we separate from home physically, we start to do so emotionally. We’re preparing to take flight.

Contrary to popular opinion, however, teenagers who feel stifled at home do not have parents who, in fact, hate them and want to ruin their lives. Parents actually love their teenage sons and daughters as much as they ever did and just want to help them. This brings up the main question you could ask yourself: “Why are my parents worried about my friends’ influence?” And in fact, there’s only one way to learn that answer: Talk to them.

If your parents are saying they think some of your friends are bad influences, there’s a good chance that they can see things you might not. They don’t want you friendless, so they would be happy to see you with friends that are good for you. Maybe they can remember some of their teenage friends who led them to decisions they came to regret. That could be a helpful conversation to have with them. Parents naturally have a wider perspective on life, having lived through the effects of their own teenage and young-adult decisions. They’re not trying to hurt you; they’re trying to help you. Ask if your friends could come over to the house. Your parents might be a lot more open to that instead of hanging out with those friends outside of the house. If you really want to give your friends a good image of Jesus, then maybe spending time with your whole family could do that for them.

That brings me to the specific question you asked. Yes, Christians are always called to evangelize, to help other people know and love Jesus. However, it is key to remember that Christians can evangelize others only when they’re already strong in the community of the Church. If most of your friends are not practicing the faith, and you’re the only Christian among them, it is a lot more likely that they’ll be a bigger influence on you than you on them. It’s often been repeated that, “you are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.”

Although statements like that are generalizations, it is true that we are much more influenced by the people and the environment around us than we might realize. It is great that you want to be a good example to you friends, but you’ll only be able to be that if your primary friendships are with people who share your faith and make it stronger. When your “cup” is filled up by such people, you will be able to overflow with good influences to your friends. If you’re not being filled up by love and support from good Christian friends, your ability to share your faith with others will be lacking.

Christians have countless chances to be a good witness to their faith almost every day if we’re looking for the opportunities. However, unless our primary relationships are filling us up—both in the sharing of our faith and in other wholesome pursuits—then we won’t have much to give to others.