Tom Musgrave June 28 1993

"Hey, look at me! I can scratch the top of my head!!!" Sounds like no big deal, does it? Well, that was the joyous cry from my own mouth last year after several weeks of rehabilitation following surgery to repair my torn rotator cuff in my right shoulder. After surgery, I was limited as to the type and extent of movement that I could make with my arm and shoulder and it was at this time that I truly experienced what it is like to be in some sort of confinement.

Normally, I think of being held in a room or enclosure of some sort when I think of being in confinement, but being confined is not merely a matter of physical bondage, it is also a state of mind. When I was on the mend from surgery, my biggest bondage was not being able to help myself and needing to rely on someone else to tend to the most basic needs that I had, like tying my shoes, or putting on my socks for that matter! (We won't even mention brushing my teeth or buckling my belt). My confinement wasn't so much the fact that these things couldn't get done without someone else helping me, (Colleen is a saint for putting up with what she did and doing the millions of things she did for me); my confinement was within me, the feeling of uselessness and worthlessness because I couldn't do the tasks that I felt I should be able to do for myself.

I remember being in the hospital, the day after surgery, and the nurse brought in my dinner. She set the tray of food on my bedside table and whisked away to continue on her delivery of food to the other patients. The bedside table was just out of reach and I remember the total frustration that I felt when I tried and tried to pull the table closer to me with my foot. I finally was able to get the table close enough to grab it with my "good" arm and I proceeded to attempt to feed myself, only to become more frustrated when I discovered that I couldn't open my milk carton with one hand, I couldn't open the "hermetically sealed" plastic utensil package, and I couldn't even cut the roast beef slice in the condition I was in. Did I call for help? ARE YOU KIDDING? No way was I going to ask someone to help me with such basic tasks as these! My confinement was my pride.

None of us want to be dependent on someone else. We want to be our own person, capable of fulfilling our own needs. When I am any less than I think I should be or can do any less than I feel I should be able to do, I place myself in a confinement that only I can get myself out of. The only way out is to accept my limitations, concentrate on my remaining abilities and be happy with the "me" that I am. Relying on the "hope of tomorrow" is also confining to me because it does not allow me to be free, as I am, today.
I encounter many people throughout the day who in one way or other are in some sort of confinement. It may be a bed, or a wheelchair, the ageing process, or a state of mind; confinement all the same. I often wonder when I pass these individuals if they are in confinement or if they accept the challenge of their physical limitations and are able to set themselves free. They, and they alone, are the only ones who can give themselves their own freedom. My biggest obstacle was realizing that people loved me and cared for me in my confinement, not out of pity, but because they cared for me and loved me as a person, regardless of my physical state of being. I often pray that any one who is restrained in any way realizes their goodness and wholeness, even in their brokenness.

"Hey look, I can scratch the top of my head!" is not as exciting of a statement as "hey look, I accept the person that God made me, and I am the best person that I can be, even with my limitations!" Freedom in Christ is much better than confinement within myself.

Lord Jesus, thank you for loving me just as I am. Help me to see my limitations as challenges to be a better me rather than an obstacle to being who I want to be. You emptied yourself of all control over your life and allowed the love of the Father to totally set you free from all confinement. Help me Lord to become consumed by that same love, that same desire to do and be all that the Father has made me. All praise and glory to you, Lord Jesus Christ.